I didn't see it clearly then...he moved over across the street to her home. A home I had visited often as we gathered as neighbors and our kids played together. I sat at her kitchen table and we talked. We weren't the best of friends... more like acquaintances. She had 4 kids and a live in boyfriend. I could see their house from my picture window in my living room.
I looked outside the early morning of January when my kids were getting on the bus with her children.... this day was very different for all of us. This morning the girls walked out to the bus stop and could see that their dad's truck was not at our home it was at their friends house. Confusing for kids that are 8 and 10. "MOM, why is dad's truck over there?" "Did dad move in with a new family?" "Does dad not love us anymore?" These are the questions that no little girls or any kid for that matter should ever have to wonder!
I was so angry! How the hell could you do this to us? Right in front of my fucking window! How dare you!! Why didn't I see this sooner? I couldn't understand...I found myself literally on my knees crying hysterically after the girls were gone. There was so much I just didn't understand. I found myself in a place where time felt like it was on pause. I was so hurt and also so embarrassed. Now this entire neighborhood is aware that my husband is living at another home and soon everyone knew they had started a relationship. News to me that their relationship started months prior. She had the nerve to send me messages telling me how much she was better for my husband than I was. She was with him at the local bar that we had been to every once in awhile as a family on a date while I was with my girls in Arkansas at my grandmother's funeral. I wasn't aware of that until week's later. Do I solely blame her? Absolutely not! I do hold her just as responsible. She was fully aware that I was married!
So this letter is for you...the other woman...the woman who thought she was falling in love while tearing a family a part.
First, THANK YOU!
Thank you for being so selfish and rather than going out and finding your own spouse/boyfriend you have to take what was so easy and now I know that the person I married would have been taken by anyone...It wasn't about you...You were just the one that like the many others said "Yes! Not only did you say YES to him... you also said yes to destroying a family and yes to setting a horrible example for your own kids of what not to do!
2nd THANK YOU!
Thank you for taking him into your home and letting him live with you! At the time I wasn't strong enough to leave him and realized I was slowly finding myself again. Thank you for being his temporary distraction so I could work on myself and start to rebuild my life..(at least in the moments when he would leave me alone.) I was finally moving through t
he fog that I had been following me for years. I was feeling alive...at the same time this was happening I know you felt like your relationship with him was starting to crumble...OH WAIT...Did you expect it to last? You must not have known who you were with....
Again, I know you weren't the only one he was cheating with, but you were the one that hit the hardest because I knew you personally....
Third, THANK YOU!
Thank you for helping me speed up the process so I never had to be made to feel unwanted, unloved, or guilty for working on me.
So let me give you an update...I have moved, my kids are doing pretty damn good and I have fallen in love with someone that appreciates me, is loyal, funny, and loves and wants to spend quality time with me and my children. He is someone that I can grow with daily, spiritually, mentally, and physically with. Want to know the best part?
I now know my worth! I am now crystal clear of what I deserve!
Lastly,
I wish you the best....I have forgiven you...I have not forgotten because how could I? I forgive you, for myself and for my ability to move forward and be happy! As for him...I have also forgiven him and same as you...I have not forgotten...
4 facts for the "other" woman/man.
1. If he/she is married or in a relationship..RUN! For real...find your own man/woman!
2. If he tells you he just isn't getting what he needs at home for whatever reasons..recommend counseling or talking to their spouse. This doesn't mean they are a FREE agent!
3. If you met while they are in a relationship the likely hood of the same thing happening to you is very high!
4. Do not wait for them to leave their spouse..do not put your life on hold for them to end a current relationship.
What else should we add here? Comment below.
I continue to write in my journey of figuring it out...if you can relate to this please share!
Thank you so much for your support and "Remember to Breathe"