Has anyone ever had someone say this to them before in a relationship?
Other than my mom I have never felt safe to really share my inner thoughts, feelings, truths because I didn't want to seem weak or that I wasn't worth of loving. Someone knowing the real me may not love me. What a sad thought.
As I am going through my own journey of life as a mom, ex wife, girlfriend, daughter I continue to learn that it's ok to be ME! Life can be so challenging and as I go through this journey I am learning.
In my marriage we never fought but I also didn't speak up for myself when I knew things were not ok or didn't feel right. I just "let things go." I like to label things as positives because it's easier to protect myself this way and to not have to have conflict. Well... what happened was still conflict but it turned to internal conflict with myself. I turned to self sabotoge, and eating my way through it gaining over 100 lbs. At this point I wasn't even being honest or a safe place for myself.
As Rick and I decided that we were going to be in a committed relationship we both had baggage. A lot of it... childhood (daddy issues here), abandonment, infidelity, the list goes on but we also had each other and that was wonderful but Just like any relationship when the honeymoon phase lifts then expectations get dropped. We were finding ourselves "triggered" by our past which would cause defensiveness on both sides. We were being defensive because we didn't want to get hurt.
I was becoming fearful the closer we became that he would leave, my quiet nature became a little more vocal. I had been so hurt that there was no way in hell I was letting that happen again so BOOM!! Out came the defenses and I was ready with my armor and shield that I didn't event know how to use but it was up. I was new to conflict in a relationship (I know, I know) and I became so fearful anytime there was a disagreement that, that meant it was over. I was living in a world of fear. The world of "what if's" Rather than trying to ignore what I was doing I had to learn to face it and Rick was there ready to get it out of me. If anyone knows Rick you know he will encourage you to look inside and find where the thoughts or feelings come from and why it's there. Ugh ;)
Now remember I haven't been great sharing my real, deep, lay it all out on the table in a relationship feelings and here I am facing it. Inside my body feels like it's on fire...He is standing very calm, posture is relaxed, and he's making eye contact..staring straight at me and says...
I want to be your safe place for you!
Ummmm... well...ugh... WHAT? ok, ok, ok... I think I like the sound of that. What exactly does that mean?
Well let me share with you what is has been for us. I no longer feel at risk or on the defense by sharing my thoughts and feelings. I can for the first time in a relationship feel like I can be true to myself. I trust that no matter what the issue is we will work it out as a team.
It has helped me see that the love we have for each other is exactly what I have always wanted and I truly believe it's because I can finally be myself and be more open rather than holding so much in to protect myself which ends up hurting in the long run.
This man is my safe place and I am his safe place.
I would love to hear from you! Where is your safe place? Do you feel like you are being true to who you are?
As I sign off I thank you for supporting my journey of figuring it out and still every single day I will remember to take time to Breathe!
xoxo - Andrea
