I wanted to have a title that felt a little newspaper-ish! If anyone even reads the newspaper anymore ha!
On a more serious note..
It's been 2 years this month from when our divorce was final...my mom said when I got a divorce, "Andrea, you know once you get divorced he won't leave you alone." Mom's are always right. I didn't believe her at first... he was so convincing sometimes and I believed the man I married couldn't be this way. Especially not to our girls. The narcissist behavior is so toxic that I found myself questioning so many things that now when I am out of it I wonder how that happened. My awareness was so low and my self esteem was even lower.
When he was arrested in rehab as I wrote about in February I was done! As I stated in February I was taking him to court to get full custody of our 2 girls.
The judge ordered that it was not in the kids best interest to be with him especially no overnights. We settled on 4 hours a week.
It's still heartbreaking to think that someone you put so much time and energy into, that you have kids with that this can happen. No one wants this for their children. I didn't have a dad and I wanted more for my girls.
On April 2nd..(my birthday) we had to go back to court. In a year I haven't had any financial help for the girls. As we were in court he asks the judge if he can change the custody agreement that the judge just put an order on in February giving him 4 hours a week...
I know his narcissist behavior and he knew he would have to pay for his kids so this was his way to try and get out of it. This isn't my assumption it is a fact based on his actions.
The judge said no we aren't in court for that and if he wanted to change the custody agreement he had to file a motion stating he wanted the custody agreement changed again.
(Side note: I represented myself in court through all of this- what I have learned is that you have to file a motion prior to a trial in order for the judge to discuss.)
I immediately thought to myself..let's see if he walks downstairs after court and files this motion to see his kids more. Just like I had thought he walked right out of the courthouse..no motion filed to see the girls. I will never understand having children and not wanting to see them.
No judgement for any financial support was made on April 2nd. What he did ask for was a financial affidavit for our next court date in May. The judge ordered it and asked us both to fill out and bring with us. I was so frustrated. He was dragging this out. I said a prayer and continued to pray up until the morning of 5/21 when we had to bring back the financial affidavit. Just like he always does..he showed up with not having the paperwork filled out so he was scrambling to complete it.
We enter the courtroom and are sworn in. I was prepared. I was calm and honestly the most calm I have been in the court room. I took a deep breath. The judge asked for all of our financial information. We turned it in, he looked over it. Verified income, taxes, dependents. The question was asked by the judge to him why there is dependent information on his pay statements form unemployment. I agree, great question judge!
Which child does he have that he is taking care of? He answered with saying it was my step daughter..his biological daughter who I have been taking care of for a year and a half.
When asked what he does with the money, he mentioned he keeps it. The judge replied why aren't you contributing to your daughter since you are getting money for her. Wait for it...
His response was "if I have to give Andrea money for her, I will just have my daughter come back home!" What the hell?! I didn't have to say a word. The bailiff and the judge looked at me. I replied, "that is not happening!" I said she doesn't want to be with you. The judge said if I were you, Andrea, I would handle this next.
The judge filed an order for child support. Even though he gets unemployment he still has to financially take care of his kids. This was such a long time coming and finally I get the help I need for the girls. If you ask Rick he will always say I have been too easy on my ex husband, I have given him 100's of chances to step up and do the right thing...unfortunately in 2 years he has failed to do the right thing for these girls. He always says the right things but no action behind it.
The next step will now be to try and get custody of my step daughter...as her step mom I have to make sure she is safe and continues to be loved and isn't ever required to live in a hostile and toxic environment ever again with either of her parents.
If you know me you know my girls are my world and I will fight every single day for them!
I will continue to trust in the power of prayer!
With this I will..
Remember to Breathe
xoxo
Andrea
PS. If you know of anyone that this post will give them hope/strength to not give up please share.
