Here we are...2 years after separation and divorce and finding myself in an emotional roller coaster trying to do it all and doubting myself. Mom of 3 girls, dating a wonderful man, working more than full time, and leading a team of people online to become better versions of themselves. With all of these blessings why am I doubting myself? Why am I so stressed? Why don't I have balance? Why do I take my stress out on the people I love the most? Why do I place blame on the people I love when I feel overwhelmed? Why do I feel like people always expect me to do more than I can do? Why am I feeling I am not enough?
So many questions I am working through. This has been an ongoing cycle in my life.
I WORK!
Since the age of 16 I worked and my mom always said once you start you won't stop working and she was right. Here I am now 39 years old and wondering why I put my all into my work? For what? I sacrifice so much for work! I always have and if you've read my other posts you will read how this played a part in my marriage. So here we are and I am feeling so stressed to the point that I have not been as consistent with working out and have people that are looking up to me and I feel like I am failing myself and them. So here I am stressed, not working out, and trying to keep my head above water all while pushing away the people that are close to me. So today I had a lot of personal development that I was going through to figure out why do I do this? What I have put together is that I have self doubt and it's a real asshole. I put all of myself into work because I have identified with my work validating who I am. I put all of myself into work because this is where I am successful and where I have less self doubt so naturally it makes me happy. What I realize is that I have a false sense of happiness and self worth....
Today is day 1 and I will give my all to no longer let my work define my worth. I know better than this but have allowed it to take over me and I refuse to let this happen... again.....
