I asked him to leave and he left, but not quietly. All the emotions sank in on both sides. I was crying and upset and he was falling apart. Before moving across the street he went to sleep in a hotel for a few days. He was not eating or sleeping and there was a part of me that felt bad for him... he wasn't always the guy that he turned out to be so part of me felt for him. He begged me to stay in the marriage... he said he would do anything. I almost fell for it. For months he asked for us to work on it. I considered it for a very short period of time.
I asked myself the following questions. Can I forgive him? My answer was someday but wasn't very confident in that. Could I trust him again? The answer was NO actually HELL NO! What example what I be setting for my girls to know that your dad cheats and I just keep taking him back. I wasn't ok with letting my girls see that, that was ok. What about my house, my job, dropping them off at school, money, sharing custody, child support, so many questions that were unanswered. It was a lot at once.
What I realized is that you will never have ALL the answers when you need them at that exact moment. Separation and divorce is a process and at times a very ugly one. You have to find the process that will work for you.
My process consisted of praying daily, making sure my girls were the best they could be and keeping things as normal as I could and making sure I stayed strong for them and myself. There were many days I cried in front of my girls and sometimes they cried with me. They were 7 and 10 at the time and didn't fully understand what was happening other than dad is not living here anymore. What do you tell your kids when all of a sudden their dad is gone and not only gone, but few days after he left the hotel he moved in with a new family. How do you even begin to explain that to kids? Now dad is living with a new family and they can see him across the street. As a kid that's so confusing and devastating... I never wanted this for them! I knew that conversations needed to start happening immediately! The only thing their dad and I agreed on was that both of the girls needed to know it was not their fault! We made sure that on a daily basis they knew how much they were loved. Whenever they wanted to see their dad and as hard as it was for me to let them go across the street to another woman/families home... I let them. A year and a half later I will say my girls are doing very well. Not everyday has been great but they know that their mom and dad love them very much! To be continued....
