My "bonus" daughter was in my life before she was born. When I got engaged her mom was pregnant with her (I talk about this in another post) I loved her from the very beginning and treated her as my own. She would spend Tuesday and Wednesday's with us and then every other weekend until she started preschool. As time went on we would have her every Wednesday night and then every other weekend. She was in our wedding as she was 6 months old and wore a beautiful white dress. I have loved her as my own always.
Fast forward years later she would come over every other weekend and her sisters and I would always be together. We would shop, go to the zoo, parades, go to grandma's house and play outside. She was my daughter.
At age 11 and through my divorce I was told I couldn't see her anymore. For one year I had no contact with her except through Instagram where I would send her messages just telling her I loved her. My ex told her mom that I was using her against him in court. Even though that was not happening and still I couldn't see her. My heart hurt for her sisters and myself. I missed our time together, I was missing holidays, birthday, and activities with her.
At the age of 12 and right before our divorce was final I get a phone call from my soon to be ex husband saying I need your help. He said she had been taken away from her mother (I won't get into details now about that) He said if you don't help me I am not doing this by myself. My heart sank...first of all who says that about their child? This isn't the first time he has tried to give up rights to her and the first time she was aware and it was heartbreaking and would have been the main reason I would have divorced him if he gave up his rights to her. Their relationship to this day struggles because of this reason. She is not close with her dad and I am not sure if it will ever be the same after him doing that. At the age of 13 she still talks about it.
If you are a parent you take care of that kid you don't just decide when you don't want them anymore.
As I sat there in total disbelief I didn't hesitate. I said YES of course whatever I need to do to help. I was excited to have her back in my life. There was a part of me that was angry at him for taking her away from me and then coming back to me and asking me to help but she was a kid and I couldn't even begin to understand what she was going through at that time.
I decided to put my anger aside from him to be able to see her because that is what I felt was the right thing to do. What I soon found out is how much hurt this little girl had been through with her mom. I had no idea and I was so angry at her mom for the things she had put her daughter through. I was relieved she was no longer going to have to go through that hurt anymore.
At this time as I am writing this today she will be 14 in 2 weeks and lives with me the majority of the time. She is doing very well and is so smart, funny, and beautiful. As sisters they are a strong trio that love each other hard and also fight like sisters do and I couldn't be happier about it.
One of the most rewarding moments is that the wonderful man I have been with now for almost 2 years has stepped up and loved her and the other girls as his own. She said the other day to Rick "I consider you more of a father than my "real" father" There connection is so beautiful. She loves and adores Rick even though she doesn't say it yet but best believe it he tells her everyday that he loves her and is proud of her.
Through all of this I know if I continue down the road of doing what is best for these kids I am heading in the right direction. It's not always easy but I never doubt I am doing what I need to for my daughters best interest...I never say I have all the answers and this continues to be my own journey of figuring it out and when things get tough "Remember to Breathe"
For Father's day she chose this gift for Rick...
