This is much tougher than I expected. Dropped the girls off at their dads house on Christmas Eve because it's his year. Every other year I have them Christmas Eve and Christmas morning. This is the first time ever that I haven't been with them Christmas Eve and Christmas morning and it's so hard. I did ok dropping them off at their dads house and this afternoon it hit me! DAMNIT! Even after 2 years of being separated from their dad there are moments where my emotions take over and it just hits me so hard. I didn't expect for this to be my reaction.
I have been thinking of this for days and thought I would be ok but clearly I am not! So many tears flooded down my cheeks. For some reason I also start thinking of our days as a family spending Christmas together and start to cry more. What is happening?! Why am I having these emotions about what used to be? Is this normal? I quickly realize that yes it is normal and yes it is ok to have this reaction. I also realize that
this is my new normal for holidays and it's hard. It's hard not tucking them in at night before Christmas morning, it's hard not waking up with them in the morning and seeing their faces be so excited as they run down the stairs to open their gifts.
Does it get easier? Right now I am not sure if it does....Still figuring that all out as I do remembering to breathe.....
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